I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
