After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
