okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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