My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His hands were made for my vagina.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
