I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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