I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
