I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
