Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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