I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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