Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
