I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
third nipple confirmed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
