he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
