Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They have beer where we have blood.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
