If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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