I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
