If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
