you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
