My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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