i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
