so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
