I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
