It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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