Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Randomize
