1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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