Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
