We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
