nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
