Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
