he thought i was a dude.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
