I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
