I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
