I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
whose parrot is this?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
