im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
