I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
