I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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