dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
