my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
