Who wears a wallet chain?!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
