party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
