I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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