Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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