Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
