walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
