the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
