Who wears a wallet chain?!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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