I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
