I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
