uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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