yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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