Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
