i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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