come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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