we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
